Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
