hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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