Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
