once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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