i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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