We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
These tits shall not be calmed
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
