True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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