you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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