you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
