It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
