I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
