Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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