i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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