Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
