i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize