we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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