Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
