OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
