Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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