Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
