so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
