she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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