it hurts more in the daytime
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
