i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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