one two three fourrrrnication!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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