every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
