My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
