i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
