She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
