how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
