You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We had sex on a dog bed..
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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