five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
