you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
