you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
