I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
