hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
