There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
