Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
