isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize