I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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