How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
