she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
This house was built for laser tag.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
