so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
