Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
