Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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