She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize