youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
