go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
why is half of my head shaved?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
