Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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