Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize