No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
