I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She's the barista slut.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
