My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
