I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
