You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
