Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
