I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
