I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
