Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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