I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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