Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
